The Empty House

Cultural Terrorist is astonished at the rapid and voluminous response to this blog. One of the most interesting was a telephone conversation with a jazz musician of a quartet called the Empty House. I will reproduce it here from memory as best I can.

"I would like to join the International Dada Centennial Committee."

"You're in, dude. It's free. Of course if you want my signature on anything, that will cost you four bucks"

"Cool. Actually my group has been kind of celebrating the Dada movement for some time. Didn't the dadas say they were creating anti-art?"

"Yeah, in protest against the senseless mass slaughter on the battlefields of France."

"Well, we play anti-jazz."

"Sweet! What does it sound like?"

"Well, it has no rhythm at all."

"No rhythm..."

"Yeah. We figured that since rap music was music that was nothing but rhythm, with no melody, the next logical step in musical evolution was music that was nothing but melody, with no rhythm."

"So what kind of reception do you get?"

"Well, that is how we came up with the name Empty House. Music with no rhythm tends to also have no audience."

"Sorry about that..."

"No, it's cool. We can't get gigs in bars because we don't bring in people to buy drinks, but we play in city parks and on the streets. We get the contemplative types who need to relieve stress for a while."

"A yes! Homo Sapiens, the only life form capable of self contemplation!"

"Well, capable doesn't mean much. But we have gotten so we can tell who is going to stay to hear a number and drop a dime in the bucket and who isn't. So we slow down the tempo until the wrong ones can't stand it and split."

"Do you have a cd I can get a hold of?"

"No, but we can play for you right now, over the phone."

"I'm all ears."

He then introduced himself as trumpeter Bud Miller. He introduced drummer Myron Platzblatt, bassist Random Beaux-eaux, and vocalist Heather Weintraub. They played for about three minutes. It was quite interesting. Bud was really good. I am not sure what kind of objects the drummer was hitting. They certainly were not the standard snare set. The bassist was fair and the singer had a strange mixture of teenager and ravaged middle aged woman in her voice.

"Is there any reason you all take turns and don't every play at the same time?"

"It just seems like the right thing to do."

I then began to suspect that the Empty House anti-jazz quartet was actually one person playing all four parts with his mouth. But I am not ready to confront him with this yet. I may never.